This weekend, the sports world went crazy when it was revealed that Jerry Richardson, owner of the Carolina Panthers, has decided to sell the franchise amid sexual harassment allegations. Immediately, Sean “P. Diddy” Combs took to Twitter to say that he was interested in not only purchasing the team but of standing with Kaep and placing him on the roster.
The Carolina Golden Child himself, Steph Curry, chimed in expressing his interest in clique’ing up to make this happen and the game got very interesting indeed, with thoughts of what a majority black owned NFL franchise would look like.
The plethora of ideas of how awesome this could really be prompted the following top ten list of “Reasons A Black Person Should Own The Panthers”.
10. Because it would become mandatory for the team’s players to come out with their fists raised and donning berets instead of helmets while someone butchers the National Anthem on purpose.
9. The food in the arena would be banging! Can you imagine the medley of soul food available at each concession station? Think Shirley Caesar’s “greens, beans, potatoes, tomatoes.” You name it! Also, the obligatory corner store style carts manned by Shannon Sharpe look-a-likes that bark, “you need to get like your boy Shay cause your boy Shay be on these Mild’s and that Yak hard” at passing by ticket holders.
8. The Panther uniforms would be uniquely stylish and cater to the dandy yet manly sensibilities. Tailoring would be executed by none other than Dapper Dan and, needless to say, Gucci fabrics will be employed.
7. The Panthers’ Instagram stories would be lit with amazing post-game locker room celebratory shenanigans. Remember, Hennything is possible!
6. Draft picks would literally line up for the chance to be down. Can you imagine the seed trading that would happen on draft day? Number one’s would kill to become the Panthers anything just so they can stay on Bossip and Worldstar in preparation for their mixtape release.
5. Cam Newton’s ridiculous outfits would require a mandatory fine from the front office. No more bamma for Camma without punishment.
4. Local Carolina fast food joint “The Cookout” would be an official arena vendor replete with the signature double drive thru on the side of the stadium.
3. Every home game halftime would require a performance from whatever rapper that has a single popping with Petey Pablo as the standard opening act & host yelling “take your shirt, raise it above your head and spin it like a helicopter”.
2. A mandatory exhibition game would be played during CIAA weekend just to secure a bag during the gloriously rachet weekend.
1. Forgoing the current and future naming rights to the stadium and renaming it Chairman Fred Hampton Arena strictly for the culture.