The End Of A-Rod

A-Rod’s October has been an unmitigated disaster, and as a result, he may depart New York the only way he knows how—controversially. In the midst of his 3-for-25 postseason slump, Rodriguez managed to reel in a pair of Australian models from the dugout during Game 1 of the ALCS. After the Yankees loss, Rodriguez allegedly took one of the models, Kyna Treacy out on the town and presumably rounded the only bases of his 2012 postseason.

Rodriguez arrived in the Bronx as the heir apparent to Bonds’ home run throne.  However, diminishing power numbers have made the 115 homer chasm between him and Bonds appear wider than ever.

At his current pace, Rodriguez would have to average 23 homers per season before his record-breaking contract expires in 2017.

The man with the enormous ego, and an even larger tabulation of regular season accomplishments, capped off this season by living up to his reputation as the incredible shrinking postseason performer. 

Rodriguez may have played his final game in pinstripes, but a home run god surrounded by a roundtable of All-Star talent, should have more than one title to his name. However, we’ve seen this act before, in a different era and sport from Laker legend Wilt Chamberlain.

The highest paid player in the NBA’s nascent years recorded otherworldly scoring numbers, highlighted by his 100-point output in Hershey, Pennsylvania. However, his most memorable statistic came off the court in the form of the 30,000 women the seven-footer allegedly slept with.

Unfortunately, on the court Wilt was often bested in the same manner that Jeter has outshined Rodriguez in the tabloids and in the hearts of fans. Not only is Jeter more reliable in October, but he’s also a superior lothario.

Jeter bats for 9s and 10s, while Rodriguez hacks away at 80s musical icons and struggling models. In New York, his legacy will always be diminished as second fiddle to The Captain.  Rodriguez has done everything he can in New York.

Rodriguez has been linked with trade rumors involving the Miami Marlins, whose large Latino community would embrace his declining skills and wandering focus more than demanding New Yorkers ever did. More importantly, the tropical climate and South Beach nightlife, would likely expose him to a higher caliber of women than were available in New York.

As he nears 40, however, A-Rod may want to also consider waiving his no-trade clause to facilitate relocation within the division to Tampa Bay. Evan Longoria has third base locked up but A-Rod would be an upgrade over DH Luke Scott. And the city is renowned as the top spot for 40 and over singles dating.

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