SXSW Day One


Pick up credential. Have problems with credential. Make calls, tell people they were wrong. Justice.

Head in the general direction of something you think you need to see, quickly losing focus because everything is going on everywhere. There are bars; bars that serve food; trucks that serve food; bands that serve food; bands that don't serve food, artists that perform fifteen minute sets at bars that serve food, then another set fifteen minutes later at a bar that doesn't serve food.

Pick a bar. Get a 521 IPA from the local brewery in Austin. Listen to the music and find something you like. If the music isn't interesting, wait for topless chick to start dancing behind the stage with “F*ck Austin PD” marked on her back.

Check out a movie at a dope old-school theater. Hit the rolling pub crawl which serves beer as you bike along with several strangers. Hop on a karaoke bar bus.

Did you remember to eat?

Check out the Beats by Dre ambulance to get pills. Skip the line at a show because you pretend to be someone else. Get free drink.

Move to stage area to watch Diplo and Major Lazer throw vuvuzelas at people, launch confetti, enter a giant, inflatable ball in an attempt to crowd surf.

Drink. Options: remove shirt, take pictures, get the hell out. Hope Drake look-a-like comes on the stage and goes absolutely HAM.

Wait an hour for Snoop Lion. Inhale.

Watch Snoop perform “I Love Rock 'n Roll” with Kurupt, sing Bob Marley, bust out a reggae rendition of “Gin and Juice” and “What's My Name?”

Pass out two hours later because Austin cabs refuse to pick people up unless they are in groups of four or more and their app doesn't work and their phone lines are busy and you have to beg a friend to ask his boss to drive you out of the way.

Remember to buy that dude a drink.



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