A new topic of conversation has emerged in the barbershop and other sacred places where we gather to talk about things from our own unique perspective, places where we are historically free to express ourselves, from our own cultural vantage point and utilizing our own vernacular, without the prying eyes of the outside world.
In addition to our passion of dissecting sports, athletes, music and other aspects of pop culture, HBO’s Game of Thrones has now entered the fray. Our boy Billy from down in Washington, DC breaks down this year’s season finale in the way that only he can.
In the finale of season 7, we open up at Kings Landing wit Daeny’s Killa army at the gates, flexin’ on fools, lettin’ em know what’s really good in Westeros.
Bron Bron gettin his rocks off by bein’ called “My Lord” while preppin’ his team for an L if things really jump off. Bron Bron ain’t askin’ the Warriors to come out and playeeeeeeyay though. He done seen enuff L’s from them fools at this point.
Over on the boat ride to Kings Landing, we see that Daeny ain’t got no navy like them Iron Island bamas, so despite all that flexin’ they doin’ on land, they lookin’ softer than baby diarrhea on water.
The Hound just seems like that dude who won’t never leave well enough alone. You know how wyepeepo do!! It’s obvi that the dead homie is in a box now, and instead of leavin’ him be, the Hound still wanna poke the bear.
Game of Thrones Season 7 premieres 7.16.17 on HBO. #GoTS7
So this dummy starts knockin’ on the box to see if the dead bama is dead. Muh*****!!! You just fought an army of dead homies and you think putting that fool in a box gon’ stop his ass??? C’mon, maing!
The box starts rockin,’ and he runs up the steps like ery’body is sleep while he drank up all the kool-aid and left just a swallow in the fridge!!
Now we marching toward the gathering of all the HNIC’s to rap about what’s really good in Westeros. My man Ty Ty tries to get Bron back on his team, cuz ain’t no rings left to win in Cleveland. Ty Ty tries to reason wit him and explain that he roll wit the lord of light brights from now on because the Lannister team ain’t got no shot at the title anymore.
Bron tells Ty he good, but it’s only a matter of time before he takes his talents to the north. Brie Brie sees The Hound and apologizes for that near-death beat-down she put on him, and that she was only tryin’ to cape for Arya and them Stark girls.
The Hound is like, “Yo! I was tryin’ to do the same ish, but it is what it is.” He’s like, “But did I die though?”
She lets him know Arya’s back at the crib chillin’ like a villain, ready to set it off like Inspectah Deck in Protect Ya Neck, and she ain’t need either one of em to protect her, cuz fo’real fo’real, she bout that life!!
Once all the heads of state come togeva, Cersei is steady peeping that Daeny is mad rude, son, operatin’ on C.P. time. Cersei’s like, “Where she at Yo?!!! Y’all got me out here when I could be elsewhere gettin’ it in wit my bruva, bangin’ that Future ‘Mask Off’ joint and sippin’ on some wine!”
“There’s only one war that matters. And it is here.” Game of Thrones airs on HBO on Sundays at 9.
Daeny comes swoopin’ in wit her Dragons cuz she still tryna flex on these fools. Errybody else is jive in awe of seein’ dragons, especially Jamie, who was out there stutterin’ and stammerin’ like the Champ in Harlem Nights cuz he amost got toasted by Drogon and whatnot.
Cersei lookin at Daeny like, “Dis broad don’t know me, Blood!!”(Lanisters rock dat red, so she only use Bleenex, Blorox, and lay up on Bouches cuz she Bute n stuff!! What up Issa!!).
Now that the all the top cats have come togeva, Cersei let her know that she wrong for having errybody out there waitin’ like they ain’t have nothin’ better to do. Daeny cops a plea and then Ty Ty tries to begin the proceedings.
Euron gotta be a ass, ’cause that what he do, and cuts him off, talkin’ wild to his nephew. Errybody is lookin’ at him like, “Yo! Don’t nobody gives two rats asses about what goes down in the Iron Isles. This is a “A’ and “B” conversation!
They tells this fool to fall back, but he don’t act like he know what’s-what til the Mountain steps up. Ty Ty goes back to his monologue on why they need to be here, and Jon Jon – aka Lord Commander of the Black, aka Big Baby Jesus the 2nd, aka The King of the North aka “Don’t call me Jon B!” – steps in to let em know what’s really good.
The hound frees up the dead homie and slim goes straight for Cersei, cuz quite frankly, if there’s anybody on this show that people want to see go out in horrific fashion, it’s her. The hound slices the dead homie in half, then chops off an arm to prove that these White Walkers are really ’bout that dead life. It’s obvious they gon’ make all of Westeros say, “Uhhhhh!!! Na Na Na nah!!” if somethin’ ain’t done about them.
It may be the first day of summer, but #WinterisHere on 7.16. Game of Thrones Season 7 premieres this July. Learn more at http://www.gameofthrones.com
Reality starts to set in on errybody now, and it’s evident that it’s real in the field. Maester Kyburn got that, “Oh, we stuck like Chuck!” look when he picks up the dead arm, which is still poppin’ and locking like Turbo in Breakin’!!!
This is when Jon let’s em know that only fire and dragon glass works on these dudes. Euron let’s it be known that if the dead homie can’t swim, then he just gon’ have to take a pass on this beef. Slim chunks up a deuce and says he’s out, cuz he and his peoples are about that navy life.
Cersei is like, “Game recognize game out here.”
And while she could care less about what happens in the north, she’s willing to call a truce if Jon Snow is willing to remain neutral in the war of the 7 kingdoms. Jon let’s it be known that he can’t roll like that, cuz lil shawty over there with the silver hair got him open, and he done been stated his desire to bend that knee, among other things.
Daeny was conflicted, because Jon bout to be her new boo, but she got a lil’ heated cuz he was supposed to front like they don’t go togeva. Cersei tells errybody to step off, cuz she ain’t even bout to be down wit fallin’ back while they band together to mash on her once the dead homies get dealt with.
Errybody is lunchin’ now!!
Brie Brie snags her boo Jamie, and tells him to rap wit his sister and get her on board, but he tells her, “I can’t tell her nothin’, she gon’ kick me out the crib!”
Now the crew is bombing on Jon for snitchin’ like Lil Darrl on the First 48! I mean you coulda rolled wit the rest of the homies and told that chic whatever she wanted to hear. Meanwhile Jon on that honor and the code, and why he ain’t bout to be goin’ down for nothing Pookie and Ray Ray did. Ty Ty says eff it and goes up to rap wit his sister.
Over at Winterfel, Sansa is rappin’ wit Petey Crack, aka Littlefinger, about how to deal with her sister. She knows that she can’t step to her cuz she ain’t built like that, and her lil’ sis is on some, “Holla, Holla, It’s Murda!” type biz these days.
Petey tells her she gon’ have to be dealt wit at some point, or else it could get real ugly. He starts finessing Sansa in the only way he knows how. She rolls wit it like, “It is what it is, and I’m just gon have to make it happen I guess.”
Ty Ty knows this likely could be his last move since Cersie wants his blood. After a back and forth with his brother, he tells his sister to go head on and do it if she wants him dead that bad. Cersei falls back, which leaves Tyrion jive cised, knowing he dodged a bullet. Slim took two cups of wine to the head, immediately poured his sister one and tried to put that thang back together.
GoTS7 begins 7.16.17 on HBO.
He peeps that she’s carrying another incest baby too, which both disgusts him, and makes him feel good about bouncing on the Lannisters like Cube did NWA. He tells her no matter the beef, he always loved her two youngest kids. “Lawd knows I wouldn’t hurt them babies,” he tried to tell her. She knew deep down he wasn’t wellin’ (dc slang for lying), so she gave some credence to his angle.
Now Cersei and her crew come back out to break down how things gon’ play out. She agrees to pull back her army and join up with errybody else and fight against the dead homies.
When they get back, her brotha is lookin’ like he’s ready for whatever and starts breakin’ it down wit his soldiers about how they need to get it poppin’. Cersei is like, “Fool, what is you doin’? We not really bout to get caught up in all that gang bangin’ on the dead homies. My name is Bennett, and we ain’t in it!”
Jamie is beefin’ now cuz he recognizes their beef is everybody’s beef. She let’s him know he’s too dumb for his own good. She got the good double cross in action as they speak. “Euron ain’t play the bish role for real,” she tells Jamie. “He on his way to Esos to scoop up the golden army and bring em back for what’s left of the dragon lady and that north boy who got his nose all up in her butt. They handle our light work wit the dead homies and then we roll on nem fools.”
Jamie is disgusted cuz that’s not how he gets down. He may be into incest and makin’ babies wit his sister, but like Omar in The Wire, he tells Cersei, “A man gotta have a code.”
He steps off and leaves to link up with Ty Ty and the northern army. As he rides away, he sees it’s now snowing where snow has never fallen!! Winter is here, yo!!
Go behind the scenes to see the conference at the dragonpit from all sides. Game of Thrones airs on HBO on Sundays at 9.
At Winterfel, Sansa gets Petey Crack to send for her sister so she can be dealt wit. Arya comes strolling in like Stringer Bell and tells her to get on wit it. Sansa starts reading off a list of charges and asks how do you plead……. Lord Petey Crack???
Pete is like, “You got me messed up Sansa. I ain’t coppin’ to any of them bodies. I wants my lawyer!!!”
Pete lookin’ at every angle possible, but he’s got no way to talk himself out of this beef. The charges are gonna stick and he sees it. Before he knows it, Arya done swooped in and cut his throat wit the same knife meant to kill the 3 eyed Raven. That’s what the we call a chain reaction fo’ yo ass!!
Sansa and Arya chop it up afterwards and stay true to the fact that it’s family over errything.
Now we see Sam as he comes to holla at Bran. Bran tells him what he knows about Jon Snow and that his real name is Aegon Sand, the child of Rhegar and Lyanna. Sam is like, “Nah son!! If you know this to be true, then Jon is actually a Targeryan cuz Rhegar married your auntie before she died.”
He tells him if you really can see visions of the past you need to see the wedding. Bran sees the ceremony between his uncle and auntie and then is like OH SNAP!! Jon ain’t just the King of the North, he is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne!!
Next we see Jon knocking on his auntie’s door cuz it’s about to go down. That’s just downright foul, but we’ve been watching 7 seasons of a brother and sister get biz, so how bad can an aunt and nephew be when they don’t even know???
Well, she lets him in and things are jumping off simultaneously while Bran is seein’ the vision of Jon’s mom and dad gettin’ hitched. Like how nasty is it for us to know how they’re related but then you wanna make us watch how he gonna fix Daeny’s barren womb with his magic elixir of Targeryan protein!!
For some reason Ty Ty is down the hallway, moping like he wanted to be the one gettin’ biz wit the queen even though he never even made a play for her.
Over at Eastwatch, we see Dondarian and Tormund rappin’ and somebody sees the dead army coming through. Alarms start sounding and folks are shook. But not near as shook as when they see the Night King come flying in on Viserion’s back.
Jokers start running for real at this point cuz it’s officially game over. Viserion starts breathing blue flame and tearing the wall up!! He eventually knocks part of the wall down and the season ends with the dead homies crossing what’s left of the wall on their way to kill ERRYBODY!!!