Carson Palmer Is The NFL’s Lindsay Lohan

Carson Palmer is the Lindsay Lohan of NFL QBs. No matter how much he sucks or shows that he’s a selfish player, there’s something about that blond hair and 6´5 frame that keeps NFL owners throwing money his way.

Same deal with LiLo.

Her past jail stints, fiscal carelessness, drug abuse, and other self-centered, childish indulgences, haven’t hurt her marketability. The fact that she’s a flaky, risky, unpredictable investment doesn’t deter desperate movie execs from tripping over each other to throw her boat-loads of bread.

In ’11, after eight years of establishing himself as a solid QB, Palmer forced his way out of a Cincinnati Bengals uniform by refusing to play if he wasn’t traded. Palmer ended up benefitting from Hue Jackson’s last attempt at saving his HC job. Jackson regrettably relinquished a first-round pick in 2012 and a second-rounder in 2013 to Cincinnati for Palmer.

“It was a selfish decision. I knew what I was doing. I knew the ramifications,” Palmer said in an interview that year with Shannon Sharpe of CBS’ the NFL Today Sunday. “I knew that it was what was best for me…”

That’s Carson Palmer. He’s more diva than defensive-back destroyer.

He must get his style from LiLo. She’s been known to be a stubborn Hollywood personality and to ditch a couple days of work. Like Palmer, she displays a prima-donna attitude with less-than-legendary talents.

In both cases, the historic and unbreakable love affair between America and blonds lives on. I wouldn’t call it “white privilege.” They possess the “Golden Root.”  

They wild-out, then they cash in.

Palmer had a crappy ’12 for a 4-11 Raiders team, ending his season on the sidelines with cracked ribs and a bruised lung. It took one season in the silver and black for Palmer to start planning his exit strategy. 

It seems Palmer has turned his sights to another janky, QB-starved team (Arizona) desperate for a sexy signal-caller.

Following his Cincy act, the Raiders had to know Palmer wouldn’t be receptive to restructuring his contract; something they asked him to do for a third time since joining the team.

Palmer, who knew the Raiders would have to pay him $13 million for next season if he remains on the roster, didn’t care if he was financially crippling them.  

While top-shottas, like Tom Brady, are helping to alleviate their teams’ financial handcuffs, Palmer refused a $3 million pay cut – still more than he’d ever get on the open market – to force the Raiders to deal with him.

A source close to the situation told Mike Silver of Yahoo! Sports, “(Carson) hasn’t gotten to experience a lot of winning. At this point, I think being somewhere where they have a chance to win is the most important thing.”

Problem is good teams don’t want the 33-year-old. They know his steez. If Palmer’s failed to prove himself a leader of champs by this skills-eroded, self-serving stage of his career, it’s unlikely he ever will.

When it comes to QBs looking like Porsches, but driving like jalopies, Palmer is King. His business approach is like the used car salesman who sells you that lemon. It’s obvious injuries have stolen the confidence he’s replaced with greed and inflexibility. Just like LiLo. He’s always looking for a come-up.

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