US Swimmers Weave A Tall Tale Of Robbery

Ryan Lochte is switching up tunes faster than a karaoke singer on 20 cups of coffee.

And now hes looking more suspect than the cat who ate the mouse.

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Three days ago, I wrote a story in response to distinguished Olympic swimming gold medalist Ryan Lochte and three of his United States swim teammates saying they were robbed at gunpoint by guys posing as police officers in Rio very early Sunday morning, according to the United States Olympic Committee and confirmed by NBC.

It didnt seem unlikely that U.S. athletes riding in a cab through the streets of Brazil at 4:00AM could become the victims of a crime. As stated in the first piece about this bizarre incident — which now appears to be totally contrived and reconstructed by Lochte and his band of drunken, belligerent gold medal maniacs — there have been several incidents of criminal activity perpetrated against Olympic visitors and participants according to news reports.

“On the night of the opening ceremony, the chief of security was mugged at knifepoint. Two coaches for Australias rowing team were attacked and robbed in the Ipanema neighborhood, while some Olympians were robbed of belongings in the athletes village during a fire drill. Bullets have landed in the equestrian venue, and a bus carrying members of the news media was attacked, its windows shattered.

Of course, the incident set off a bombshell of negative publicity for Brazil and some even suggested it was the ACTUAL police who committed the heinous robbery. In defense, the Brazilian police reportedly conducted a thorough investigation and could find nothing to substantiate the swimmer’s claims.

Then, in an interview with Matt Lauer, Lochte changed his story up. Lauer says Lochte told him that the robbers didnt pull them over. Lochte also changed his story about the gunman’s actions. First he said a gun was put to his head, but then he told Lauer it was merely pointed in his direction. 

As the investigation heated up, next thing you know, Lochte is on a plane on his way back to his US crib and his cohorts attempted to slide out as well, but the Brazilian government wasnt having it. They seized the swimmers passports and pulled their lying, leg flapping behinds off the plane.

The only truth they told is that they were drunk, said Fernando Veloso, chief of the civil police in Rio. 

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What in the butterfly stroke is going on here?  Where Im from, Lochte is a straight up bullsh*t artist and it’s totally cool to call him out as a liar.

Details of the incident are still being recovered, but from the latest reports we do know that the story the swimmers told is faker than the butt and boobs on your finest Hip-Hop wife.

NBCs Mike Tirico  updated the situation about an hour ago and its not looking good for the American heroes. If they were lying, you know the Brazilian government would leave no stone unturned in finding out. Their reputation as a safe Olympic host city is at stake and the future of their country as a desired vacation destination could be compromised.

So now that the chitlins have hit the fan, USOC Chief External Affairs Officer Patrick Sandusky released a statement earlier today:

The three U.S. Olympic swimmers( Gunnar Bentz, Jack Conger and James Felgen) are cooperating with authorities and are in the process of scheduling a time and place today to provide further statements to the Brazilian authorities. All are represented by the USOC and the U.S. Consulate in Rio.

Talk about a mess.

The swimmers have or will meet with authorities today at some point. So far, according to Tirico, Brazilian authorities havent been able to crack the case.

But an entirely new twist on the story is emerging. One that has nothing to do with men in police uniforms putting guns to peoples heads. No wonder Bentz refused to make a statement .

Apparently, surveillance cameras captured the four swimmers walking down a corridor, damaging property, urinating in public and trashing a local gas station bathroom in true white boy twisted, rock-star-fashion. There is a taxi cab waiting for them.

The cameras also show the swimmers trying to get back to their taxis and at that point they are confronted by security at the gas station who didnt want the swimmers to leave until the local police arrived, which never happened.

Two of the swimmers took off in another direction and two of the swimmers stayed in the taxi. The cameras picked up a scene of a security guard or possibly a patron with a gun confronting the swimmers. The swimmers put their hands up and some type of tense negotiations went on.

(It gets better)

Then a translator somehow gets involved in the deal and it ends with money being exchanged and the swimmers being allowed to go safely.

This is just a dweeb of the year situation and a black eye on the supposed wholesome-as-apple pie swimmers on Americas vaunted squad. The swimmers need to come clean as soon as possible, say they were drunk and stupid and not respecting the rules of a foreign country and got caught up in an embarrassing situation that they probably deserved.

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