Dear Santa: Are you black? Are you white?

    Dear Santa,

    It would appear that, once again, the wacky wickedness of man has tried to usurp your name in the spirit of everything stupid. Pseudo-journalist, Megyn Kelly, took to the national television airwaves, via Fox News and anywhere else that would listen, to bring the world's attention to a diatribe about your race. First Kelly says, "Santa and Jesus are white." Then quasi-demagogue Bill O'Reilly came along and spewed his visceral poison all over the matter in support of this pasty little elf, saying she was correct about the race of Santa.

    Leave it to adults to screw things up. Although FOX News, in particular, twists facts regularly by being a tool for right-wing hate mongering. Resident like-minded smart-asses point to the existence of a St. Nicholas in Europe during the dark ages. History came to know him as St. Nicholas the Wonder Worker, known for giving gifts and being an all-around jovial dude. He didn’t fly across the world on a sleigh. Nor did he hang out with elves and red-nosed reindeer. But he is the person folks say you're based off. And he is white.

    The spirit of your racial existence didn’t end with Fox News. MSNBC's Toure' and CNN's Don Lemon jumped in too. Toure', clearly talking about President Barack Obama, said, "There is already a generous, benevolent black man in your children’s lives who lives in a place that some people think is magical, who has given something to each and every American, whether they have been naughty or nice. You know who I’m talking about."

    I had to give a major side-eye to Toure' on that one, Santa. Obama never gave me shit. So have I been naughty? Or perhaps my potty mouth is to blame.

    And then there's Don Lemon who chimed in. To his credit, he simply laughed off Megyn's comments, which is exactly what everyone should have done. Because Santa, it's not about your race. It's about the attributes you possess. Your role as a mythical symbol of the holiday season is unmatched throughout the world. It universally symbolizes the importance of giving, faith in the unseen, and self-discipline to small children in societies across the globe. You know when we are sleeping. You know when we're awake. And you know when we are acting like idiots. No wonder we grow out of expecting gifts from you. Why would you reward us for our ongoing, blind, pessimistic faux pas? And the sad part about the entire sordid affair is that a bunch of so-called Christian adults are arguing, and usurping the true meaning of Christmas: The birth of Jesus Christ.  But I digress.

    The point? Adults are missing it, having bastardized a good thing to satisfy their own sordid racist sensibilities. So for this Santa, I do apologize. And I hope that this Christmas, you dispense generous portions of brains and hearts with impunity to the unthinking, uncaring, and unfeeling grown-up populous of the world.