Chris Culliver – Captain of the All Ig’nant Team

Although stupid has long proven itself to not know when to shut up, you would think that in the age of 24-hour news, blogs, and social media that those operating under slower thinking speeds would learn to not volunteer their idiocies.

Based on a quick scan of the Twitter mentions, perhaps that’s a lesson San Francisco 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver will soon learn. In an interview with radio personality Artie Lange, Culliver expressed contempt over the idea of a gay player being on his team.

Culliver explained: “I don’t do the gay guys man. I don’t do that. No, we don’t got no gay people on the team, they gotta get up out of here if they do. Can’t be with that sweet stuff. Nah…can’t be…in the locker room man. Nah.”

Yes, because gay men are attracted to any and all men within their proximity, especially if they’re about to take a shower.

To Culliver’s credit, this isn’t exactly an unpopular opinion in a world largely consisting of the sort of hypermasculinity that helps fuel homophobia. It’s going to take a very long time for that mindset not to be so pervasive in competitive sports. Nevertheless, how dense do you have to be to think it’s a good idea to go on record spewing a bunch of anti-gay rhetoric to a radio jock on air?

In 2013 no less, when, slowly but surely, there is a growing acceptance of gays.

Take for instance Baltimore Raves defensive tackle Brendan Ayanbadejo., who has been an outspoken advocate for LGBT equality in recent months and said he hoped to use the Super Bowl as a platform to advocate for marriage equality and anti-bullying efforts.

ESPN’s Andrew Brandt tweeted that the 49ers have released a statement distancing themselves from Culliver’s comments.


I imagine part of the manner in which this was “addressed” was with something like, “Shut up, fool. Our team is in San Francisco.”

Meanwhile, former 49ers offensive lineman Randy Cross tweeted that Culliver was a “ Leader for All-Ignorant Team“:


Just the kind of thing the 49ers need days away from the Super Bowl, which by the way is being held in a city that produced Big Freedia and will feature a halftime performance from Beyoncé.

Chris Culliver is free to think about gays, cooties, and other varying forms of paranoia all he wants, but I’m betting his entire organization is wishing he kept it to himself.

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