Cavaliers Are Treating The NBA Draft Like An Episode Of Maury

I’m not a fan of daytime television. My whole thing is if you’re not in school, but are watching television during the day, you better be a sportswriter or work the graveyard shift. However, I am aware of the ratchet cultural phenomenon known as Maury’s “Who’s The Daddy” paternity test segments.

Maury’s stretched out his relevancy over the past decade by inviting single mothers who aren’t sure who their baby daddy is onto the show. He then drags prospective baby daddies. It culminates with Maury pulling test results from an envelope, and disclosing whether there is a DNA match. I’ve seen dudes humbly accept responsibility when the tests reveal they’re the father, while others have broken out some funky James Brown dance steps or splits in exaltation after the tests come back negative.

“You are the father” has become a pop culture idiom synonymous with unwelcome gifts.

I feel bad for the kids involved in those messy situations. They may grow up to become well-adjusted and successful individuals. Or they might suffer from self-worth issues. God forbid, they stumble across their parents’ clip on YouTube.

That sums up exactly how the Cleveland Cavaliers are treating the No. 1 overall pick prior to Thursday’s NBA Draft. Instead of crossing their fingers and staying optimistic, they’re shopping it like it’s a radioactive max deal. In a worst-case scenario, it’s a four-year contract worth approximately $20 million over its lifespan.

This may be the most unpredictable draft since the infamous draft of 2001 when Kwame Brown, Eddy Curry and Tyson Chandler were each involved in the Washington Wizards conversation. The Wizards catch flack for taking Brown, but none of those picks would have been a franchise-changer.

That’s the same general sentiment about the upcoming draft. However, the difference is that the Cavaliers are attempting to dump their pick on another desperate franchise. Unfortunately for them, nobody’s biting on this draft’s scraps.

Nerlens Noel was considered the Cavaliers most likely pick, but that’s now in doubt because of factors ranging from his shady representation’s influence to concerns about the fragility of his knees. Ben McLemore and Victor Oladipo are options, but McLemore is too passive for a shooting guard and Oladipo’s shooting is subpar.

Alex “Darko” Len has even entered into the top pick conversation. Sure he has upside as a low post scorer, but there’s not much tangible evidence that indicates he’s the best possible player available. It’s hard to blame the Cavaliers for trying to deceive the Blazers into giving up LaMarcus Aldridge or drug Minnesota’s management into handing them Kevin Love.

The No. 1 overall pick is usually a point of pride. The No. 1 pick in this draft is going to feel like they’ve been pummeled for 10 rounds by Adrien Broner. They’ll either use that feeling as motivation or live down to those expectations.

I feel bad for them. On the other hand, the first few picks will be rife with drama. I know this is David Stern’s final draft as NBA commissioner, but is Maury available?

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