Alabama Football Players Best Believe They Won’t Receive No Dividends

When Alabama defeated Georgia 26-23 in overtime in Monday’s College Football National Championship game, the Crimson Tide coaches weren’t just giddy because of their on-field victory. They also won at the bank, with the staff set to receive a collective $1.27 million in bonuses for winning the title. 

Darren Rovell on Twitter

Alabama’s coaches will receive $1.27 million in bonuses for winning title.

Defensive coordinator Jeremy Pruitt gets the largest bonus at $234,000, followed by offensive coordinator Brian Daboll, who’ll get a nice $216,000 bump. Head coach Nick Saban gets the fifth largest bonus at $100,000. Incredibly, Saban now has more national titles than all other active FBS coaches combined.

With his sixth national title, five at Alabama and one at LSU, Saban tied Alabama legend Paul Bear Bryant for the most ever won by one coach. 

Mired in a 130 halftime rut in the championship game, with Georgia seemingly manhandling them, the Crimson Tide offense gained a mere 94 yards in the first half. Saban, in a surprising move, benched his starting quarterback Jalen Hurts, who had gone 252 as a starter and led the squad to back-to-back appearances in the title game. The best college football coach in America put his team’s championship hopes in the hands of 18-year-old southpaw and true freshman Tua Tagovailoa. 

Tua had just thrown 53 passes all year in mop-up duty during blowouts, but he proved to have the spark and magic touch needed to make sure that the Alabama coaches got paid in full, completing 14 of his 24 passes for 166 yards and three touchdowns. From here on out, he’ll forever be known as “The Hawaiian Tim Tebow.”

The coaching staff is not the only one that will see huge dividends from Tua’s brilliance. The university will rake in handsome sums from proud alumni and billionaire boosters as well, as admission applications increase. That’s what follows when you win national titles in big-time, revenue producing sports.

It’s nice to see management getting rewarded for a job well done. But what about the labor force, i.e. the players? 

Darren Rovell on Twitter

If Tua Tagovailoa was allowed to sign autographs & maintain his eligibility, he’d have no problem finding an autograph dealer today who would pay him a $500,000 to sign at a mall in Birmingham.

They’ll just have to settle for a ring and knowing that they made a whole lot of people a ton of money. And nothing more in the way of their own financial reward for bringing home a national title will be coming. 

In true gangster fashion, the NCAA and the university will shower them with praise, and quoting Three Times Dope, proceed to tell them, “Best believe you won’t receive no dividends!”, while making some great structural additions on their own vacation lake houses this summer.

Three Times Dope – Funky Dividends (lyrics)

From 3xD’s first album “Original Stylin” (1988) – lyrics: [ES:]Michelle, why you gotta tell Mickey everything about us? [Michelle:] Cause I needed somebody to talk to. [ES:] But you’re trying to make it seem like I started it all. [Michelle:] I just told her the story the way it went.

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