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5 Reasons Why You Will Miss Donald Trump

Before you say goodbye to the bad guy

Image Credit: Patrick Semansky/AP

Educator Jane Elliott has been calling #45, Don-A-Saurus T-Rump.

Aside from its innate humor, the label is appropriate in many ways. It signals the archaic thinking that Donald tried to revive on a national scale.

His feeling of being diminished as a White male led to attacks on Black women, Mexicans, Muslims, and everyone who he felt wouldn’t “Make America Great Again”.

However, the country has spoken and a majority felt that it was time for Agent Orange to stop infecting the airwaves with negatively skewed attempts at indoctrination.

Still, in the colloquial words from our brothers across the pond, “you will miss the cheeky bugger.”

Why?

Because like the Tony Montana character in Scarface, you need people like Donald Trump.

“Say hello to the bad guy!”

Here are five audaciously satirical reasons why you will miss President Donald Trump, a man who has lived his whole life trying to survive the next ten minutes.

Because He’s The Real Drama King

Move over DJ Kay Slay from around the way, the real drama king was in the building.
If you like hard-hitting drama that keeps you off-kilter where surprises await your every turn, look no further than the MAGA administration of Donald Trump.

In this mythical wasteland of elitism, wasteful spending, broken rhetoric, and heartfelt divisive language, you can have every emotion stoked.

The six basic emotions of humanity are sadness, happiness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust.

You might be scratching your head saying, ‘well I was never happy during his tenure in office’.

Well, that’s where the surprise comes in, you weren’t supposed to unless you felt that you were an ever-shrinking White man in the face of a Black and Brown population explosion.

But his supporters were very happy.

So much so that 70 million of them felt he deserved another four years to tell us that science sucks, COVID-19 is a media hoax, and pick out another rapper to assure you he’s good with the Blacks.

“Look at my African-American over there!”

Trump caught COVID-19 and lost COVID-19 like we used to throw away all-white Air Force One’s after one scuff.

“I’m good, that was something light!”

No for real though.

His symptoms dissipated so quickly that he made me believe anything was possible, like injecting bleach or hydroxychloroquine…

Sike!

The guy is a living breathing reality show and he brought the circus to the world stage. The Art of the Deal meant the art of the steal as he verbally stole on virtually all his cronies like Michael Flynn and Michael Cohen.

He stole time from their lives scapegoating them with prison consequences.

All without screaming “Treyway!” as he Tekashi 6ix9ine’d them by testimonial omission.
Admit it, the dude was a straight zoo-vie and you’re going to miss that ish.

Because He Made Cooning Great Again

Donald Trump was a whole vibe, so much so that it shook the inner shenanigans out of some of the most unexpected Black people.

I’m not talking about Candace Owens.

There is always a Candy O. level agitator waiting in the wings hoping to get their Whiteness approval badge for being the antithesis of Blackness.

However, knowing that her once elevated voice will be extremely muted in the post-Trump era does give me a twinkle of joy.

No, I’m talking about Lil’ Wayne and Ice Cube, especially Ice Cube.

Mr. F*&k The Police. The man that singlehandedly made the arbitrary Black movie about nothing great again with the Friday franchise. The man who enabled aging basketball players to still make noise on a professional level.

O’Shea Jackson allowed the Trump campaign to make him look like an unofficial stumper by lifting parts of his A Contract With Black America and adding them into Trump’s Platinum Plan.

For Ice Cube it was the first step.

For Trump, it was iced out chain overture to the hip hop community. But wait, all Black people aren’t defined by just hip hop culture.

Trump’s focus on a subset of the Black cultural experience was a last-minute ineffective pander and Ice Cube lay in the muck confused by why his audience couldn’t understand trading your brand for empty promises.

Out of his depth and floating in a pile of bile, Mr. Jackson, please go back to the recording studio and stay there.

Hopefully, we will still be here to listen.

Then there was Lil’ Wayne who popped up like a wayward MAD Magazine character to meet and greet with his former boss on The Apprentice.

Like a true Duffle Bag Boy, Tunechi skateboarded into our timelines and news feeds to co-sign Donald Trump.

He was a Terry Crews level apologist and pushed the notion that if we just listened to what The Don has to say, we would be better off.

Instead, Wayne would have been better off just keeping the Young Money records flowing so we wouldn’t realize he would trade his rap cred for the ear of a potential winner.

Now it seems we all see the effects that codeine syrup can have on your decision-making abilities if used in high doses.

Regardless of whether they will be invited back to the cookout, we now know that both these guys and 8% of the faceless Black vote Trump received in 2020 will move with their wallets over their conscience.

Cue a popular Babyface chorus and change up one word, “this is for the coooooon in you, uh-huh. This is for the chill in you.”

Because Trump Made Racism Great Again

The biggest difference between being a Democrat and a Republican vs. a follower of Trumpism: latent vs. in your face racism.

Keep it real, it was better having your racism served with morning joe instead of swept under your rug.

Donald Trump stoked the embers of White rage like a peep show loyalist.

It reminded Black people that there is no post-racial America and that the emotional win felt from eight years of a Barack Obama Presidency disguised the undertone of White America feeling an erasure approaching.

The indoctrination of baseball games, hot dogs and apple pie runs deep and shea butter, conscious basketball players, and bread pudding was becoming too much for America.

Trump went on a rampage to scourge the country of all symbols of diversity. After all, his MAGA slogan was a strategic dog whistle that America needed to go back to just before the Voting Rights Act was passed.

When everyone knew their place, even if they didn’t like it.

When the suburbs were places for Leave It To Beaver’s Aunt Bea level congeniality. Not Angela Rye intelligent excoriation and Nikole Hannah-Jones 1619 project pseudo-American repudiation.

With Joe Biden seeking to Build Back Better, will the Better include acknowledgment of racism so it can be eradicated or another term of walking by the elephant in every room?

Because Never Did Being “Elite” Look This Bad

Not since Bernie Madoff does being apart of the so-called 1% look this horrible.

Donald Trump and his collection of trust fund stooges like Jared Kushner make being in the elite look more Southwest Airlines position number than a clear port luxury.

They bumble, they babble, they chatter and all the while it is clear that their degrees were bought and paid for by Mommy and Datums.

There were more criminals in this top-tier rogue bunch than the Mafia Commission. They move with a hubris that is second to none and discuss world affairs with a dismissiveness only rivaled by Paris Hilton’s choice of brown rice over quinoa.

So now, who wants to be a millionaire?

Because He Was The Biggest Victim Ever

Who has more real or imagined enemies than Donald Trump? No one, that’s who!

The guy blamed everyone for everything.

The media was his sworn enemy even though he declared war on them first and I’m not talking about the card game.

From embracing China to demonizing them all in the same breath, Trump knows how to shift the narrative like the wind in his favor.

Remember his mouthpiece in Anthony Scaramucci? The Mooch became the biggest Trump hater to sell books and remain relevant for a few more calendar quarters of fame.

Along with his pitbull in chihuahua form, Rudy Giuliani, America’s Mayor turned into Trump’s wayward savior willing to say that which Trump couldn’t towards his perceived enemies.

According to Giuliani, those enemies are lying in wait everywhere from the polling stations to the halls of Congress.

Meanwhile, both Trump and Giuliani make friends out of the real enemies in Russia because, you know, it’s Trump bitches!

Oh, how we will all miss the ALL CAPS tweets labeling everyone a Judas, traitor, or an idiot while encouraging wannabe militias to foment civil war in the streets.

Trump’s deep state ideologies have sparked more vigilantism than the Marvel universe and life has certainly been imitating art.

As #45 begins to take his final bow, may you remember all these unenviable qualities and watch for them in another future candidate.

If the axiom that life is cyclical is true then as Scarface said in the movie of the same name, “say hello to my little friend”, and that will be the future potential second coming of a Trump-like regime.

Don’t be surprised if one day you hear, “Okay, I’m reloaded!”

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