Tips To Help Olympians Get That Bread

Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte must be bumping 2 Chainz in his whip because the 28 year-old from Western New York is “ridin’ round and getting it” in the months after his Olympic success. Lochte, who was really the second best American next to Michael Phelps, is stretching his 15 minutes of post-Olympic fame into an hour. He’s been TMZ-ed multiple times, scored a role on “30 Rock”, is in the works for a reality show, starting his own fashion line and is even trying to trademark his phrase “jeah” (which he actually stole from Jeezy, since we know he’s not down on MC Eiht). Just recently he’s been parodied by Seth McFarlane on Saturday Night Live with a spot-on impression of his dumb and dumber personality. Lochte has even become a weekly presence on the gossip blogs, cuddled up next to beauty queens and scalawags such as Love and Hip Hop’s K. Michelle.

While Lochte may not seem like the brightest crayon in the box, Olympians need to take note of his post-Olympic hustle. Olympians should ask themselves “I may have won gold but does anyone know my name like they do Ryan’s two months after the Games?” If the answer is no, they need to follow the Lochte model and get that bread (Stevie J. voice). Here are a few avenues of commercialization that Olympians could use to get some green from their gold.

Disclaimer: If you use any of these ideas, Mama needs a cut of the cash.


Gabby Douglas’ “Golden Locks”– As she went flying through the air with ease, Black America went bananas over a few loose hairs and a messy kitchen in the back of Douglas’ hair. Since a sister can’t seem to have a bad hair day while winning gold, Douglas should release a line of weave. That way she can keep her sisters in the struggle looking fly, whether they’re sweating it out in the gym or running things in the boardroom. I can hear the salons talking now: “Girl, you know these Golden Locks be swinging!”

Lolo Jones and Dawn Harper in “Track Divas” – Don’t lie, as much as we want our people to all just get along, you got a kick out of 100m hurdler Dawn Harper hating on Lolo Jones and her light skin, wavy hair marketing Olympic campaign. The two should put aside their differences to get paid and start a reality show. The show would follow their training regimens with an occasional catfight and Gatorade thrown in the others face. The method seems to have worked for Basketball Wives and Real Housewives of (insert city) which are in their fifty-leventh seasons.  


Usain Bolt and Ezekiel Kemboi in “Give Dem a Run Now” – With his 'Lighting Bolt’ jig that he does with each win, Usain Bolt has uncoordinated people around the globe thinking they can dance. Also Ezekiel Kemboi, Kenyan steeplechase athlete, brought sexy back with his involuntary convulsions that he calls dancing. These brothers should link up for a dance instruction DVD or one of those motion sensor dance games on Nintendo Wii. While Bolt doesn’t need the post-Olympic money, Kemboi could use some help in the notoriety department.

Robert Harting the Bratwurst Bully – After winning gold in discus, Robert Harting of Germany got his WWE on by ripping off his shirt and screaming into cameras like he was on a ‘roid rage. Harting should channel that energy into the wrestling ring. Do you smellllllll the Bratwurst cooking?

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