Machine Gun Funk: The Cavs Go Hardcore

You can’t really define funky, you just know it when you see it.

I’m not talking about the musty odoriferousness of a Flatbush Avenue dollar van, but that unquantifiable quality of cool, magnetic, hypnotizing brilliance that only a true artist can conjure.

The funk drips from a J Dilla beat, as it does on a Pearl Washington highlight reel.

You simply know it when you see it, and LeBron, JR Smith, Kyrie Irving, Kevin Love and the rest of the Cleveland Cavaliers offered up some serious Machine Gun Funk with their collective long-distance shooting performance last night in their 123-98 annihilation of the Atlanta Hawks in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals.

Cleveland connected like Floyd Mayweather against Arturo Gatti back in the summer of 2005, converting a ridiculous 18-of-27 treys in the first half alone.  That smashed the league record for the most 3-pointers in a half by one squad, but they were only getting started.

Bron-Bron and the boys finished with by making 55.6 percent of their 45 shot attempts from beyond the stripe, setting the NBA record for most ever made in a regular season or playoff game.

J.R. Smith was hotter than Beyonc’s Lemonade, making seven of his 13 attempts from deep. LeBron cashed in four from long-range en route to his 27 points, five assists, four rebounds and three steals. 

I know that the most folks have already handed the Larry O’Brien Championship Trophy to the magnificent Splash Brothers in Golden State, but with a healthy Love and Irving, along with a strong cast of role players staying in their lanes, I wouldn’t sleep on King James and his crew during the Finals. 

“When they put those shots down, I don’t know if anyone can beat them, to be honest,” Atlanta’s Kyle Korver said when surveying the destruction.

“Tonight was a special night for all of us who played,” said Lebron after the game. “This league has seen so many great teams, so many great players and great shooters and for us to set an all-time record is truly special.”

In one vertiginous first half stretch, Cleveland banged in seven consecutive bombs while amassing a 38-point advantage that left Atlanta looking like Carlo Rizzi after Sonny Corleone got through with him. If a mercy rule should ever have been instituted in a pro playoff game, last night was it, with the Cavs leading 74-38 at halftime.

Overall, ten Cavaliers hit at least one three-pointer.

LeBron is also continuing his quiet assault on the postseason individual record books. With last night’s performance, he passed Tim Duncan and now stands fifth all-time on the career playoff scoring list. He also tied Robert Parish for 13th place on the all-time postseason games list, with 184. 


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