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Game Of Thrones: The Black Barbershop Breakdown

A new topic of conversation has emerged in the barbershop and other sacred places where we gather to talk about things from our own unique perspective, places where we are historically free to express ourselves, from our own cultural vantage point and utilizing our own vernacular, without the prying eyes of the outside world.

In addition to our passion of dissecting sports, athletes, music and other aspects of pop culture, HBO’s Game of Thrones has now entered the fray. Our boy Billy from down in Washington, DC breaks down the most recent episode in the way that only he, and we, can.

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So this week in the latest episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones, we find Jon Snow and the G Unit in the middle of their mission to go see a dead body like Dough Boy, Ricky and Tre, and then take that Bama back to Cersei, with lots of small talk going on between different members of the crew.  

Gendry’s out there cryin’ about bein’ strapped naked to a bed by a red witch.  Jorah’s bein’ dumb and turnin’ down his dad’s sword, which is one of the few remaining items on earf that can kill a White Walker. 

Meanwhile, there was desperate need for some dragon glass and Valerian steel last week in Charlottesville, Virginia, but I digress.

Tormund made it be known that he loves women, and seemed to be quoting LaVar Ball when he said, when speaking about checking for Brienne of Tarth, “I want to make babies with her. Think of it, great big monsters!” 

He also made it clear that he’s not opposed to bunnin’ up with another dude when the situation warrants. 

Dondarian and Jon were chit-chatting about what they have in common with Jesus, and Thoros’ love of rum was pretty self-evident.   

Over at Winterfell, Arya was reminiscin’ with Sansa about how their father was gonna let her join the rainbow coalition if not for the betrayal of everyone including her nice-things-lovin’, bougie ass, taking summer selfies in Martha’s Vineyard older sister.  

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Sansa clapped back, but she now knows that Arya has the upper hand with that letter she sent to her brother back in the day, asking him to bend the knee to wild ass Joffrey.  She lets Arya have the last word cuz that letter, and them faces laying around of the people that she done kill’t, has her shook!

Back at Dragonstone, Daeny is on her Tina Turner steez singin to Tyrion about how, “We don’t need another hero.” 

Tyrion is like, “BISH, LOOK AT MY FACE, I GETS DOWN FO MINEZ!!!”. 

Upon telling her that Jon Snow is feelin’ her, she proceeds to drop some knowledge that she likes ’em big. And again Tyrion is like, “Bish look at my face! But you know what, lemme just sip this wine before my mini pimp hand gets active.”

At Winterfell Petyr the Pimp, aka Baelish aka Little Finger, is telling Sansa don’t sweat her sister, cuz if she gets outta pocket, Big Bird Brienne can handle her light work.

Back on the other side of the wall, Jon Snow and Roc Nation come across a scout team of dead men walkin’, along with the White Walker Big Baller.  

They get the drop on ‘nem fools and rush ’em. Jon connects wit the Sword Jorah’s dumb ass shoulda took, especially since he was in the middle of gettin’ choked out.  

Luckily, all but one of the dead men drop. They go to snag the Bama, but he starts screaming for the rest of the crew. Gendry is told to break out to get word to Daeny while the rest get rolled on by the army of the dead.  

The only thing that saves em from joining the army of the dead is thin ice. 

That’s some symbolism fo’ yo’ ass!

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Sansa gets an invite to Kings Landing, but she was like, “Nah baby, not gon’ be able to do it!  Brienne you roll and rep the team instead.”

Daeny is rocking her best white fur to go save her new boo, like she was steppin’ out to Love Nightclub in DC during Howard Homecoming, and she took all three of them dragons to make them dead Bamas bend the knee.  She’s kinda obsessed wit that!!

Back over at Disney’s Frozen on Ice and whatnot, the crew’s been waitin’ all night and into the next day for somebody to come and save they ass. 

The Hound gets bored and starts chuckin’ rocks at the dead men.  The first was a perfect connect, like the Red Sox goin’ headhuntin’ on Manny Machado. 

But the second lands on the ice, and the G Unit looks at this fool like, “Why Come You Gotta be Throwin’ Rocks and Pokin the Bear, Dummy????!!!!” 

The Killa army sees the ice is solid now and it’s on like Donkey Kong!!  They roll on them fools like KD and the Warriors did Lebron!!  

They takin L’s and it’s lookin bleak, like crazy bleak, like Memphis Bleek‘s music career, when Daeny and the dragons finally swing thru!!  

They handlin’ they bidness til the Night King shows us all what er’y javelin thrower in the Olympics should be strivin’ for, and takes down Viserion with one toss.   

“Down goes Frazier!!”  

Now I don’t know about you, but it’s moments like that when you realize, “You are now rockin wit da best!!” And the Night King was bopping on stage on some DJ Khaled, “I’m the one!” type ish.

Jon Snow’s crew is like, “Yoooooo! We out!!!”, and gets to stepping. But Jon gets left behind cuz he obviosuly wasn’t schooled by Lord Stark in his days of youth that a hero ain’t nothin’ but a sammich.  His fool ass gets tackled and drops into the lake.   

Somehow, and this is totally believable, well maybe not, he makes it out the lake to see his Uncle, who to him been missing since episode 2 of season one. He just came walking up on him after all that time like it was all good, like Shaq’s biological father once he made the league.   

Uncle Benjen saves his nephew but dies in the process.  Jon makes it back to Eastwatch lookin’ like Snoop’s homie Lil Half Dead, but that don’t stop Daeny from lookin’ at him like he’s a ham sammich, and she ain’t ate in weeks!

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Back at Winterfell, Sansa is tryna be Inch-High-Private-Eye and peep what type of game Arya is really on.  

She finds that bag of faces laying around and don’t know what her baby sister done got herself into out there in them streets, but she do know that she can’t play her on any levels at this point.  

Arya comes in and catches her sister playing detective like she Olivia Benson from Law and Order SVU and whatnot, and scares the lord of the light out of her behind.  In the end, Arya tells her what that face gon’ do if she wanna be all up in the video like Puffy next time.  Sansa stands there lookin’ around like that dude at the V.D. clinic after the doc told him that he got burnt.

When Jon Snow comes to, he finds himself on a boat, wit Daeny lookin’ all thirsty, and she ain’t talkin’ none of that “I like big dudes,” stuff anymore.  He offers to bend the knee, which clearly got her open.  

He offers condolences for her dragon that just got tooken out, on some ol’, “I feel sorry for your lost,” and asks, “When they gon’ have the repast for Viserion.  He went out like a G!!”  

She tells him, like Elvi in Scarface,  “I can’t have no keeds, maing!!” 

Jon gives her a look that says, “Look I ain’t tryna hear that. I done died and came back, done did some magical ish that don’t make no sense. I’ma put a baby up inside you, and that’s my word!  We gon’ rub some tussin on it and be skraight!!!  Ya heard???”

The joint closes out wit the Night King having his army drag Viserion out the lake. He touches him and we find out that Viserion is gon’ rep for the dead homies now.  Gaaaaahtdayumn!

It’s gonna be on and poppin’ in next week’s season finale!

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