J.R. Smith And The Pipe: 10 Variations On The Text Proposition

To quote David Chappelle at his finest impersonating, Rick James, “They should have never gave you n*ggas money,” as he stomped on Eddie Murphy’s white leather couch with his immaculate platform shoes. I totally agree with Chappelle/James, but that’s neither here nor there. One thing they should have never given black females was the screencap. Far too many chicks are swan diving into our DMs, mentions, texts, emails, etc. being extra thirsty.

A diabolical thirst trap was set up for JR Smith yesterday. The lady who set the trap up was good, very good. She made it look easier than planning the surprise birthday party for a one-year-old baby. JR took the bait and she did the inevitable, which was taking a screencap and showing the world. As my good buddy @inf said yesterday, “The true shame in this whole JR Smith tweet controversy is that this rude woman cannot answer a simple question.” An honest no or yes would have been nice.

We all know what JR asked , it doesn’t need repeating, but here are ten other ways the question could have been asked or said that only WE would understand.

"I’m trying to see what’s up?": The classic, hey I’d like to see you naked very soon, but I’m trying to figure out if we’re on the same page.

"Come through": If you don’t seize this opportunity I’ll be forced to “give it” to someone else.

"It’s going down though": The woman has normally agreed to go see the male. But the male is just reinforcing the fact that relations aren’t mandatory but certainly expected.

"Where you at?": This normally happens between the hours of 2am-4am. It’s a Hail Mary, not like a Hail Mary from the 50-yard line, but one from the 30-yard line.

"Shut up big head": ­­ This is vintage Tracy McGrady All-Star throw it off the glass to yourself; the insult/jab that of course is going to make her quip back at you. You’ve essentially started the “don’t call me that/‘What are you going to do about it?’ banter.”

"I’m kinda bored": This is the first cousin of what JR said. I mean, what else would you rather be doing?

"Do you miss me?": This is another alley-oop to yourself. If she’s smart she’s going to tell you no. Whether she’s flirting or being serious it’s the perfect opportunity for a game of push/pull attraction that will lead to an open invite to the crib in 30 minutes if your mouthpiece is efficient.

"What are you doing?": Simple. It’s like catching the ball in the triple threat position. You have one mission, which is to put the ball in the hole, but you have several options on how to accomplish it.

"I’m tryin' to see you": I’m definitely not trying to see you to talk about world affairs.

"Send me a picture": The simple game of getting an inch and then taking a mile. If she sends a tasteful pic, there’s nowhere else to go with the pics but down.


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