Volumes of flowery words situated into enough poetic prose to fill libraries will be written in the next few months about Derek Jeter's playing career as his retirement neasr, but his off-field exploits deserve praise as well. While A-Rod's dating life has been ridiculed because of Kate Hudson feeding him popcorn like a newborn baby or his relationship with Madonna, his obsession with a painting of himself as a centaur and a fling with a brolic exotic dancer, Jeter has dated an unassailable All-Star team of models and Hollywood starlets.
Jeter may have dated an entire lineup off celebrity dimes and models, but the best story of Jeter's legendary dating exploits involves the time he stole a chick from Ricky Smith, the writer of Black Dynamite. His Baseball Hall of Fame induction in 2020 may or may not be the first perfect vote in MLB history, but his first-ballot selection to Dave Chappelle's Hook-Up Hall of Fame is undoubtedly unanimous. When he does enter Springfield, Smith should introduce him. Jeter owes him that much.
If you're feeling down on Valentine's Day, consider yourself fortunate that you're not Ricky Smith and that Jeter has never stolen your girl. Jeter has stolen 348 bases in his major league career, but the time he stole Smith's girl may have been one of the best steals in Major League history. After Jeter announced his retirement on Wednesday, Smith shared the story on Twitter in painstaking detail. You can feel the despair seeping through his tweets. The story doesn't end with Jeter though. Smith's whole vacation quickly spiraled downwards afterwards. It's too bad Twitter wasn't around for Richard Pryor or Bill Cosby to share tales about the time one of their girls got cajoled into joining Wilt Chamberlain's 20,000 club.
Fellas, be careful–especially in Manhattan. Jeter is always lurking.
Remind me to tell y'all about the time Derek Jeter left the club w/ a girl I came with. #that1stillhurts #ilikedher
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
I mean what are you suppose to do when Derek Jeter pushes up on a girl your dating at the club
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
He was so smooth about it tho. I didn't even know it happened until 20 mins after they left the club
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
I was just sitting at the table with my drink in my hand. And this was before the days of smart phones so I had to just stand there
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
Acting like everyone in the club didn't just see Jeter leave with my girl. I had to act like I wanted to stay and listen to music
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
ALONE
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
Hell, I was more mad she left cause she was my ride. They could have hooked up but at least given me a ride home
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
So I got my girl AND ride taken…
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
Worst part is I couldn't be mad at him for pulling her. Couldn't be mad at her for picking him over me. So I just was mad at myself
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
I didn't watch baseball for like two years after that…
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
Needless to say I never talked to that girl ever again… Once she's with Jeter she belongs to the streets bro
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
@Rickonia that's what you get for bringing your girl to the club dummy
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
I hate Jeter, the Yankees, pinstripes, and the number 2 #Jeter
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
PS I had to catch the bus back to my hotel cause my card got declined paying for the bottle service
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
YOU DON'T KNOW SADNESS UNTIL THE COCKTAIL WAITRESS COMES BACK W/ SECURITY TO ASK YOU IF YOU HAVE ANOTHER CREDIT CARD
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
And of course you have to act like you have another credit card, knowing good and well those credit cards are maxed too
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
So just to recap, I lost my girl to Jeter, I have no ride, and my credit card got declined
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
I HAD TO CATCH THE BUS. YOU DON'T KNOW HUMBLE UNTIL YOU HAVE TO CATCH THE BUS AFTER THE CLUB
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
I'm heated y'all. I must have repressed the memory but the more I think about it, the more mad I'm getting
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
I'm heated y'all. I must have repressed the memory but the more I think about it, the more mad I'm getting
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
And y'all know that out of town hook up is hard. I'd been putting in work for weeks. Met chick on MySpace and everything
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
Been working on that for min.. Put her in my Top 8 on Myspace, flew into town, took her to Bahama Breeze for Jeter to take her
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
I had to spend the rest of the 'vacation' looking up old relatives acting like I came to visit them cause I needed somewhere to stay
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
I sleeping on my great aunt's next door neighbors floor while Jeter hitting home runs with my top 8
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
Just did get done paying off that credit card too…
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
*fights air*
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 12, 2014
RT @t_rob30: @Rickonia the jeter stealing your girl story has ESPN 30-for-30 story written all over it
— Rick The Ruler (@Rickonia) February 13, 2014
