C’Mon Son!!!: Arkansas Football Coach Bret Bielema

“C’Mon Son!!!” is a semi-regular column on The Shadow League where we lovingly tap some fool on the shoulder in order to help them through some personal growth. Today’s moron is Arkansas football coach Bret Bielema. He not only has a passing resemblance to Biff Tannen from Back to the Future. It seems that he also might possess similar brain power.

When asked at the SEC’s spring meetings this week about Art Briles getting whacked like Billy Batts for the laissez-faire approach that he brought to dealing with his Baylor players’ disturbing proliferation of sexual violence, this mental midget Bielema actually referred to…wait for it…. Steph Curry and LeBron James???!!!

“I used the NBA [Finals] series a year ago, an off-topic deal, but [it’s] just the way I think,” he said. “I told our guys here at Arkansas we need to be a little bit Curry and a little less LeBron. We’ve got to be a little bit more about the team and working together and the chemistry. I knew our players were engaged with basketball. I don’t know anything about basketball, so I probably shouldn’t be commenting on it. But I knew the story of Curry. We use outside stuff like that that helps us build our program in the way that you want.”

You got two things right, Coach. You definitely don’t know anything about basketball. And you certainly shouldn’t be commenting on it.

First of all, to even bring this up when talking about the disgusting pattern of behavior of rapes, sexual assaults and cover-ups at Baylor is incredibly insensitive, narrow-minded and inherently dismissive.

And from an analytical perspective, it’s dumber than Arnold Schwarzenegger saying, I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.

Hey moron, there is no greater team player in basketball’s modern day than Lebron James.

Hey McFly! McFly!!! The dude is a two-time champion, a two-time Finals MVP, a four-time regular season MVP, a 12-time All-Star, 12-time All-NBA performer, the franchise’s all-time leading scorer and one of the greatest passers and defenders ever.

Hey imbecile, study up on last year’s NBA Finals, where Curry played with an all-time great team, and LeBron, minus All-Stars Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving, singlehandedly took a team of Cambodian cab drivers and made the championship series competitive.

His performance, staggering in terms of his pure ability to carry a team of bums, lacked any true precedent and was historical in its level of brilliance as he averaged 36 points, 13 rebounds and nine assists per game.

If you really believe that Andre Iguodola was the MVP of that series, you probably believed that Andrew Caldwell really had been Delivert!!! And that he got Delivert more!. It’s beyond dumb.

People forget that Golden State possessed the leagues No. 1 defense last year and what LeBron gave them while playing alongside Dylan, Dylan and Dylan.

Maybe that thinking helps explain why Arkansas has a won-loss record of 18-20 since he’s been there.

Hey Brett Bielema, C’mon Son!  


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