Dwight's A Biter And Shaq Won't Let It Go

“We, as players, we always watch people before us. For me it was Patrick Ewing, Hakeem Olajuwon, guys who played as true centers inside. What we have now is centers going to the European style, which is a lot of pick and roll. Me, being an old school big man, I am going to go with Brook Lopez and Andrew Bynum.”- Shaq

 “I say a Big verse I’m only bigging up my brotha, bigging up my borough”- Jay-Z

 Years from now, Shaq will say his criticism of Dwight Howard was “just entertainment, just for the headlines” but all this BIG on D-12 crime is beyond uncalled for. Nobody (and I mean nobody!) likes a biter – especially not Gen X dudes like Shaq that grew up in an era where biting was beyond taboo. Dwight stole the Superman persona that Shaq came up with, a brilliant marketing plan, using a superhero to humanize a larger-than-life character. Sean Carter uses Chris Wallace’s lines, Kobe damn near sounded like Mike for his first few years in the league – and, hell, even his jump onto the scorer’s table after title #5 looked like Mike doing the same after his fifth title – and yes, Dwight bit Shaq.

 The question is, when does Shaq get over it? Remember David Robinson wasn’t “kind enough” to Shaq as a high schooler, so Shaq did this as payback. We all love Shaq, right? From his self-proclaimed nicknames to his better-than-average skills [KS1] as an MC to even his immature vendettas, we’ve overlooked stuff we’d call out other guys for, but perhaps, as Dwight said, “your time is up”.

 Let’s just call it what it is: Shaq looks like that old dude in the club, wearing his old school pimp suit, skirt-chasing young chicks that would probably send him into cardiac arrest if they gave him some. He’s better than that. From telling Kobe to “tell me how my a** taste” to now this latest caper, saying Brook Lopez is better than Dwight – The Diesel knows it’s bull and so do we. This is Shaq trying to keep his name/legacy current and using Dwight’s sensitivity (which borders on the NBA version of simpin’) against him. (But, it is funny, though. Can you really resist watching Shaq pull the string on the Dwight doll and Dwight whining for love afterwards? Shaq wins every time.)

But let’s not make Dwight a victim here, either.

Initially avoiding LA because you didn’t wanna follow in Shaq’s footsteps? That’s weak, dude, along with your flip-flopping as you screwed up your departure from Orlando. It seems the last person in your ear is the person you’ll follow.

And as you can see, Shaq is gonna come at you regardless. That’s what happens to biters. Dwight needs to stop looking for approval from everybody, especially since Shaq isn’t so inclined to give him any love until he wins three championships. But BIG, seriously, you’re too talented, too funny and your legacy is too great, for you to keep this up…even if this back and forth is hilarious.